Christmas Dinner With a Side of Cancer

Christmas Dinner With a Side of Cancer…

             So, about a week and a half before Christmas my sweet mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. You may think this put a damper on Christmas but that’s not how my mom rolls…that’s not how our family rolls….

             My mom is a fucking saint…there’s no one walking this earth quite like her. You may think I am bias because she’s mine…. that’s simply not true. You ask anyone who has ever had any contact with my mom and they will tell you the same.  If there are angels walking this earth, surely, she is one of them. Although, she will not hesitate to call any one of us out on our shit if needed. There’s nothing quite like a 5’2” woman kicking your ass without laying a finger on you!

             Over Christmas, in typical fashion of thinking of her family before herself, she didn’t want anyone to worry about her or be upset over Christmas so she asked me to not tell my children. They however found out at the Christmas dinner table…. everyone knew but them. I have never seen my oldest shrink inside himself so quickly and thoroughly. It was heart breaking. My kids are very close to my parents. When I was working or in school or taking care of my former husband, after a life altering accident, she was right there, taking care of them.

             But, in my family we deal the best we can and we do it together. As my older sister says “No one fights alone”. On any front. And ya, we’re totally getting shirts! So, we did Christmas, and New Years and we waited for the next step. My mom always taught us, just because something bad has happened, it doesn’t mean the world stops turning and it doesn’t mean we stop living. We build a bridge and get over it. In other words, we figure it out and we move on. It doesn’t define our days. 

            So, we carried on, my mom was well, or well enough, until the beginning of February. 2 days after her first chemo appointment, she fell ill, and for the next 5 weeks fought for her life in the hospital. Cancer aside, there were so many other conditions that attacked her…. all rendering her too weak to fight the cancer. Chemo is on hold, cancer is still being cancer and there’s no possibility of surgery to remove it at this time! Whole heartedly I say FUCK YOU CANCER!! You may take my mom eventually but for right now, we are winning this minute, this next hour, the next day, the next week, month and so on, for as long as she feels like kicking your ass! And when she decides she’s done we will all be right there beside her. At that moment, you may feel you’ve won…but I assure you you’ll have gained nothing but an empty shell because she will still live in us, through us, and I promise you, beyond us. Because my mom is that fucking strong!